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Joke of the Day

"Whats the best thing about being addicted to speed? Only one more sleep until Christmas!"

"I'm a spitting image of Ryan Gosling. Like if Ryan Gosling were to spit and look at his reflection in it, that would be me."

"If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills."

"My mother-in-law talked non-stop while we watched Criminal Minds and now I have an idea for a cool new episode."

"What game do monsters play with humans? Squash."

"You've got a buttload of good things coming your way... ...and I'm behind you one hundred percent."

"Q: why you can't smoke weed with Mexicans A: Because when you ask them for papers they run away"

"An American and a Muslim are at a bar. Who got there first? The drone."

"What's the difference between a dilapidated bus stop and a lobster with a breast implant? One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean. Heard very recently and just had to share."

"Pearl Harbour 9/11'd Josh Hartnett's career. Three disasters in seven words that make a fully coherent sentence. Can anyone do better?"