197551

Joke of the Day

"People who try to stop you on the street to sell stuff are the real world equivalent of online pop-ups."

"ATTN FILMMAKERS: Is it possible the future won't be colored a bleak greenish gray with constant rain, or are you really sure of this?"

"Giant methane storm on Uranus. It just a really bad fart."

"Did you hear about the Pirate suffering from scurvy? His attempts to cure it were *fruitless*."

"WIFE: He thinks he's a news anchor DOCTOR: Is this true ME: [stacking papers & talking inaudibly as the camera zooms out]"

"My son told me all females have nice butts in yoga pants, so I took him to Walmart so he could see the error of his thoughts."

"I witnessed a murder in the park last night and called 911 They told me to stop calling and leave the crows alone."

"Once there was a man who followed the Mongol hordes so that he could catch and sell the injured after battles. He was a mangled Mongle monger"

"Why don't midgets smoke weed? Because they can't get high."

"I have degrees in Politics, Economics and Psychology. I don't have a job but at least I know why."