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Joke of the Day

"How do you get gum out of your hair? Q: How do you get gum out of your hair? A: Cancer."

"Today my 6yo said it was good it's snowing, as that means the earth isn't getting hotter, and tonight she starts as an anchor on Fox News."

"music class i was always in trouble in music class. now i play the bass so its good."

"Took my dog to a bonfire... ...and as he sat there staring at it blankly I realized he loves sticks. I was burning a giant pile of his toys."

"Love helps to kill time. And time helps to kill love."

"Genuinely stunned France has adopted the word ""wifi"" rather than ""le signal librement accessible sans l'utilisation de fils"" or some shit."

"I wanted to set my password as madeline But apparently that's taken."

"What's the difference between a duck? One of it's legs are both the same."

"Movie Idea: Lohan. Bynes. Statham. DEATH RACE 2"

"Persuading girl into having sex with you is like spreading the butter on a toast. It is possible with credit card, but it makes more sense using a knife."