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Joke of the Day

"Studies suggest when it comes to dealing with stress, masturbation is twice as effective as sex So one in the hand really is worth two in the bush."

"A Massachusetts man was arrested for illegally keeping over 400 birds in his home. He tried to keep it a secret, but he couldn't keep the birds from tweeting about it."

"My Wallet My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry :-("

"The definition of mixed emotions... My mother-in-law driving of a cliff in my new car"

"*opens present HER: What is this? ME: It's The One Ring. I fought orcs for it. HER: They didn't have that Michael Kors bag I showed you?"

"My mom used to tuck me in every night. She really wanted a daughter."

"Christmas comes earlier every year. There's 364 days until Christmas and my neighbors already have their lights up."

"Why is everyone smiling at me today? *checks fly* *no pants* Aaaah."

"So an orca's prey tried to escape But his fate was sealed"

"A lion would never cheat on his wife. But a Tiger Wood."