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Joke of the Day

"A Massachusetts man was arrested for illegally keeping over 400 birds in his home. He tried to keep it a secret, but he couldn't keep the birds from tweeting about it."

"Number of US states who claim above average elementary test scores? 50. Number of US states who shouldn't be allowed to teach math? 25."

"Durex's ""Eggplant Flavoured"" condom won't be the first time a woman's being pleasured by a vegetable. Just ask Mrs. Stephen Hawking."

"*Meanwhile at a restaurant* Waiter: Welcome sir, would you like a table? Me: So kind of you, I wouldn't mind. *Picks table and walks out*"

"The rest of the world should fear our military. We have the most cutting edge technology 1954 had to offer."

"Outsmarting Teacher PUPIL: ""Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?"" TEACHER:"" Of course not."" PUPIL: ""Good, because I haven`t done my homework."""

"ME: I'm heading to the shop ROOMMATE: What are you going to get? ME: [wearing a wedding dress] Compliments"

"I entered an astronomy competition the other day... ...I didn't come first but I did get a constellation prize "

"I get a lot of compliments on my stamp collection but philately will get you nowhere."

"What is Bill and Ted's favorite book of the bible? Duderonomy! They also like Leviticus."