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Joke of the Day

"If you think you're having a bad day, the lady who took my order in the drive-thru asked me if my order was to go."

"Ways Ryan Gosling and I are similar: 1. Up to date on our vaccinations 2. I dunno, that's probably it and I'm not sure about that first one."

"I thought I had swag once, turned out it was just a mosquito bite."

"Him: Have you ever been so drunk that you... Me: Yes Him: But I didn't finish... Me: The answer is yes"

"My uncle used to ruin every Thanksgiving with his drinking problem, but now he found Jesus and ruins it with that."

"Past elections: Which candidate will most improve our country? 2016 election: Which candidate is least likely to start The Purge?"

"What do gay horses eat? dick."

"What do you call a deer missing an eye? No-eye deer."

"Earlier today at a coffee shop, I spilled my drink all over the paper I was working on. The barista looked over and said, ""Well, essay chai tea happens."""

"My grandfather told me he closed one eye whenever he saw a jew in the good old days... He was a sniper"