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Joke of the Day

"How many rats does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but you have to get them in the lightbulb first."

"Police always seem disappointed when they realise those bits of foil on the floor of my car are just old chocolate wrappers not drugs."

"if it's not a failure it sucks ass"

"A CW pronounces both ""r""s in February, both ""d""s in Wednesday and has just told me the ""correct"" way to say segue. Please send weapons."

"OMG Hiccups are so annoying! You know what you should do if you have them? GO AWAY"

"My wacky Lutheran parents think my fiance is methane based because they don't belive in carbon dating."

"What do you call an asshole horse rider? A Jerk-ey."

"Chimney Whats the difference between Santa Claus and a Jew? Santa Claus goes down the chimney"

"A Grizzly walked into a bar... It was horrible! Many people in the bar died painful deaths, survivors of the attack said the pain was ""un-bear-able""."

"God damn auto correct... Always making me say things I didn't Nintendo"