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Joke of the Day

"Wife: Where are the kids? Me *turns off router* [from down the hallway] HEYYYYYYY!!!! Me: They're in their rooms."

"What is the world's leading cause of hearing loss? Religion."

"Hippocrates did very well for himself, considering he was named after cages for a large mammal."

"Why was the blonde's belly button sore? Because her boyfriend was blond too."

"Made a pact w/ my wife that if we're 40 & kids haven't stopped whining, we'll meet at top of the Empire State Building so they can't find us"

"What did Ahab yell out to Moby Dick as it swam away? Catch you later!"

"Why does Fred Williard keep Kleenex in his pocket? They come in handy."

"""Guess what!"" ""What?"" ""I went clubbing and did the Bus Driver last night!"" ""Oh I love that dance move!"" ""It's a dance move?"""

"What picture does a cup get when it goes to prison? A MUGshot."