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Joke of the Day

"I guess they are calling One Direction 1D Because thats all they've got between all of them."

"Mumbling along to a song you don't really know...but that 15 second part you do know is coming up and you're gonna own that shit."

"Q: What is the best thing that ever came out of Arkansas? A: Highway 55."

"I used to date a girl with a lazy eye... It turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time"

"I am rarely judgmental, but I do scowl, and shake my head slowly in disapproval whenever I see a vegan biting its nails."

"I see children like I see bongo drums They're slightly irritating but it's fashionable for the rich to bring them back from Africa Edit:people also dislike it when you beat them In public"

"What do you call a failing brand? Calvin DeKlein."

"A girl asked if I play any Indian instruments. I told her I play mandolin, violin and cello. Close, but no sitar."

"Truth time: I've been cheating on my diet. With a younger, more attractive diet."

"You know when guys pee, and they shake their pen!s for that last drop? ...........That's how much gas I got for 2 dollars."