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Joke of the Day

"Mumbling along to a song you don't really know...but that 15 second part you do know is coming up and you're gonna own that shit."

"Sorry I mixed 50,000 instant pudding packets into your above ground pool"

"Why are people not right in the head? Because on the left side of the brain there is nothing right and on the right side there is nothing left!"

"What did one tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing. They're stuck up bitches."

"The less you know, the more you think you do."

"Why don't Southern girls engage in orgies? Too many thank-you notes."

"When I was a younger man girls used to ""check me out"". Now women just ""keep an eye on me"""

"What do you call a chicken without feathers? Dinner!"

"Dear Abby, I never thought this would happen to me. Today I met a sexy woman who told me I write letters to the wrong publication."

"Me: ""You didn't tell me that."" Them: ""Yes I did, four times while you were staring at your phone."" Me (looks up): ""I'm sorry, what?"""