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Joke of the Day

"Johnny Depp is the best actor ever. You can't even tell he has scissor hands in Pirates of the Caribbean."

"Mexican Word of the day: Chicken My wife wanted to get to the grocery store, but chicken go herself"

"The Rolling Stones should have a reunion tour and call it Rolling Stones Gather No Mas"

"I like it when my kids are old enough to drink out of the toilet on their own. That way I don't have to get out of bed to get them a drink."

"Nutella. A delicious mix of nuts and umbrellas."

"I have a joke. Just kidding."

"A priest, a rapist, and a pedophile walks into a bar. He orders a drink."

"Pro Tip: Use candles to set a romantic mood. Pro Tip Addendum: don't set the romantic mood right by curtains."

"What do prostitutes work for? Incum"

"BIRDMAN Little girl: ""Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'"" Mother: ""Because he thinks he's a chicken."" Little girl: ""Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"" Mother: ""We need the eggs."""