196817

Joke of the Day

"I was at a restaurant and my waitress had a black eye So I ordered really slow, because she obviously doesn't listen"

"I got a call today from a distorted voice saying ""Five grand in cash, or we kill your wife"" Both options were tempting, but I decided to take the money."

"wow, i thought what we had was special, you met my family and made me dinner, now you say you're a ""waiter"" and you're just ""doing your job"""

"What do you call a Russian wearing a head scarf, a balaclava and a helmet? Anything you want. He can't hear a thing."

"Why do the Scots wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away."

"[at the zoo] Llama spits in my face I spit in llamas face Llama slaps me I grab llamas hair Scuffle ensues Llamas gf shouts ""leave it Gary!"""

"I like my woman like my espresso; Bitter, exhilarating, and some sort of Italian I guess."

"There Are Three Types of People in the World People who are good at math and people that aren't"

"SON: Can horses run in the Olympics? DAD: Wouldn't be fair SON: Why not? DAD: [hand on son's shoulder] Usain Bolt is just too fast, buddy"

"You could very well be going to heaven but it won't be hell in hell without you!"