196792

Joke of the Day

"I don't mean to brag but I just beat my 5-year-old ten times in a row at air hockey. He sucks."

"Counselor: How many times did I tell you to make your bed? Jane: I can't answer. I didn't know I was supposed to keep count!"

"The main reason I lost my virginity was to ensure I wouldn't be sacrificed anytime soon."

"my book club evolved into a fight club so gradually I almost didn't notice"

"What do you call having sex with someone with herpes? *A bumpy ride*"

"*cashier stares at obviously fake ID* you sure you're 3? *dog panics and runs out of the store barking*"

"Christmas Presents To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present... They are due back at the library today."

"The FDA is banning trans fats because they're bad for you... but OJ has actually killed people!"

"Where do weirdos ride their bicycles? Psycho-paths. (as told by one of my coworkers)"

"Whenever I skip a day on the treadmill, I add the 25 minutes to the next day. Tomorrow, I will be running until 2026."