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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I skip a day on the treadmill, I add the 25 minutes to the next day. Tomorrow, I will be running until 2026."

"What's the easiest way to annoy an anti-vaxxer? Needle them"

"Wait. Those Nigerian girls are still missing?? What about that really cool hashtag we made? They didn't free them when they saw it??"

"How many joules does it take to fry a Jew? Nein joules."

"Studies show that one in two and a half men are HIV Positive You can thank Charlie Sheen for that"

"I was told to write a report of waffles But I failed because there was to much walfling"

"What's red and smells like blue paint?... Red paint."

"I like my women like I like my coffee Ground up, dried out and stashed in the freezer."

"Watching real love on shows like The Bachelor makes me realize my own marriage is a fake bucket of shit."

"Mah Dearest Emma, War on Christmas is hell. This morn, I saw 7 elves stabbed with 1 menorah. I fear this nog soaked yuletide may nevah end."