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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I skip a day on the treadmill, I add the 25 minutes to the next day. Tomorrow, I will be running until 2026."

"What was the pig doing in the kitchen? Bacon! Get it?"

"I'm going to a Pearl Harbor Day party later on. I'm totally going to get bombed! *Now... give me your downvotes... yes, I feed upon your scorn!*"

"A relationship with me is like a rollercoaster It has a weight limit"

"If I could time-travel, forget killing baby Hitler. I'd go back to use every come back I ever thought of 10 minutes too late."

"I had an appointment to get my gender reassignment surgery... ...but the doctor left me hangin'"

"I had sex with Obama last night... And I'd just like to say, let's dispel with this fiction that Barack Obama doesn't know what he's doing. He knows exactly what he's doing!"

"I couldn't believe it when my wife said she was leaving me because I'm obsessed with The Monkees... Then I saw her face"

"What did Peyton Manning do yesterday? ...played footbal but lost and made ppl sad as fuck. joke's on the ppl cus their sad as fuck and i dont care"

"Me: I'm sorry Aquaman, but talking to fish just isn't a super power. Aquaman: oh yeah? *squints* a dolphin scoots to my car and shits on it"