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Joke of the Day

"Avoided a copay by having my annual physical at Antiques Roadshow. Clean bill of health, plus I found out I'm worth $150."

"5 scientists out of 6 say that russian roulette is safe"

"He said he wanted to ""put more than just words in my mouth"" and I was like ""I hope you mean hamburgers."""

"(Don't let her know you can't read) Yes I'll have this *points to menu* -So you want the gratuity of 15% added to parties of 8 or more? Shit"

"I like two kinds of men: domestic and imported."

"Today I saw a homeless man pick up a brochure for a computer repairer. I guess he's having computer problems?"

"Why did the kid cross the playground? To get to the other slide."

"I was having trouble sending text messages to my friend yesterday - so I text him ""test"" this AM. He quickly responded back - ""icle""........"

"She told me to give her nine inches and to make it hurt... So i fucked her three times and punched her in the gut."

"What's the difference between an Onion and a Whore? I don't cry when I chop up a Whore."