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Joke of the Day

"Before we got married I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets."

"5-year-old: I'm supposed to find out more about my hero for school. Me: Aw, you came to me. 5: Yeah. Can you tell me more about Batman?"

"The next time there's an awkward silence, try whispering, ""Did you forget your line?"""

"[last supper] Judas: Here, I brought this Jesus: A bottle of wine? Srsly? I need that like I need a hole in my hand Judas: *winks at camera*"

"A girl's best asset is her lie' ability"

"What has 10 letters and starts with gas? Automobile."

"Please don't feed the Kardashians."

"Me: I'm into fitness Trainer: not again M: fitness whole pizza in my mouth T: you should go M: this isn't going to ""workout"" T: LEAVE NOW"

"I believe in ""you're stupid"" at first sight."

"Sportscenter, episode 542783747363467367984768474756431063389425993399064375493638386747899532689432462567953467347: Men talking animatedly."