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Joke of the Day

"What do you call it when a Spanish man goes to court for custody of his children? Fight for your right to padre"

"Nice beard bro looks like you just ate a bunch of lollipops then made out with your cat"

"What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas? He went to the Shell station."

"Keen silence from a dinner guest as she looks across the living room and realizes I made her bridesmaid dress into a dog bed."

"My girlfriend told me to fuck her like a man. So I stuck it in her ass and called her Steve"

"Did it hurt when YOU fell from heaven? If so, contact the law offices of Leon Molowitz, and get the monetary compensation you deserve!"

"Hot singles in your area want you to come over and load their dishwasher correctly."

"If you send multiple one sentence texts, I will mail a raccoon to your face I'm not kidding."

"What is the best ""bang for your buck""? Vaseline."

"This is serious as a heart attack but not one of those funny heart attacks. Those make me laugh."