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Joke of the Day

"I'm not sexist... being sexist is wrong and being wrong is for women."

"My buddy was dating twins... I asked him how he could tell them apart, and he replied, ""That's easy. Barbara has really big tits and Bob has a mustache."""

"What do a woman's anus and a 9 volt battery have in common? (NSFW) You know its against your better judgement, but you put your tongue on it anyway."

"Dad, I'm not high I swear! says a kid to his dad, to which the dad replies: ""Five minutes ago, you threw your hamster through the window screaming ""Pikachu, I choose you!"""""

"If I ever had a heart transplant I would want my ex's because it's never been used"

"Q: Why are there more jokes about Waco than Jonestown? A: The punch lines were too long in Jonestown."

"[Lions watching a romantic comedy about humans] Why doesn't he simply mount her with no apparent warning?"

"What do you call Muhammad Ali after he eats lots of beans? Gaseous Clay"

"Girlfriend: Why is this broom broken? Did you draw a lightning bolt on the cat? Are you writing with a feather? Me: Muggles...."

"I love that we're a nation of diversity: a black president, a white vice president, and an orange speaker of the house. #SOTU"