196387

Joke of the Day

"HAMLET:*Draws sword* How now! a rat?? *stabs curtain* LORD POLONIUS: O, I am slain! This is the w'rst game of hideth and seeketh ev'r *dies*"

"So PSY's song ""Dear American"" includes the lyric ""Kill them all slowly and painfully"" and now I understand what Gangnam Style was all about."

"Bath time without my phone: 10 minutes Bath time with my phone: 45 minutes 75 retweets 1 wrinkly baby"

"Me: Push! Grandkids: But, you're heavy. Me: What did the sign say? Grandkids: No children in shopping cart :(( Me: Rules are rules."

"What is black on the bottom and white on top? Society."

"Why did the church hire a prostitute? Her resume said ""missionary position"""

"Local Drowning A hippie drowned at the local beach last night. When asked why the free spirit was unable to be save before his tragic death, a lifeguard commented ""He was too far out, man."""

"The hot lady across the street had a seizure on her front lawn today. Her MILF shakes brought the paramedics to the yard."

"Photons don't even matter."

"What award did the kid in a coma for six weeks win? Atrophy."