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Joke of the Day

"Bath time without my phone: 10 minutes Bath time with my phone: 45 minutes 75 retweets 1 wrinkly baby"

"If I got $1 every time somebody called me sexist I would walk free of a rape case"

"What's the opposite of a mango? Mancome"

"I like to show my girlfriend who's boss in our house by holding a mirror up to her face."

"I like my women like I like my burritos stuffed with beef"

"With all the awful things happening in Nepal... you just have to wonder...what would Kathmandu?"

"Yo momma is like cheap laundry detergent Not as soft, doesn't smell as good, but gets way more loads"

"My Doctor told me I had the Big C. I asked him to be more pacific."

"Marshawn Lynch came back to play for the month of October. Breast Mode"

"A man went to jail for sexually abusing a monkey. He was an apeist!"