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Joke of the Day

"Most people cry while chopping an onion... The secret is to not form an emotional bond."

"Me: *[pulls back shower curtain] ""Dinner will be ready in 10 minutes"" Him: ""Who the hell are you and should I be scared?"""

"Ever wonder how the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow?"

"What does DNA Helicase and a 16 year old boy have in common? the both want to unzip your genes. if you didnt get it: https://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20121209104938AAKihOC"

"Why did Eric Clapton move from PC to Mac? He had a bad experience with Windows"

"ME: *trying to fit in* I ALSO don't fly. PENGUINS: *shuffling about while trying to keep their distance* ZOOKEEPER: Sir, get out of the pen."

"The only thing my girl friend blows Is everything out of proportion"

"Wait, is Obama our second black President or our first black President again?"

"Did you hear about the two peanuts walking down the street? One was a salted."

"There is a new drink at my bar. It's called a Sandy. It's basically a watered down Manhattan."