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Joke of the Day

"Doctor: What seems to be th- Me: -Medicinal marijuana! Doc: I'm sorry? Me: Let's start with the answer, then work on the problem, ok?"

"How do you make an archeologist mad? Give them a bloody tampon and ask what period it's from"

"I just yelled ""Where's the baby?!"" while holding the baby. I can't believe it was legal for me to reproduce."

"I just sold some Viagra to a guy who thought it was Adderall. He's going to have a very hard test tomorrow."

"9 out of 10 wives agree their husbands are always wrong and the other one just doesn't wanna talk about it right now."

"Your luggage has wheels on it? You know, that guy Jesus didn't have WHEELS on that cross thingy he had to lug around. You people disgust me."

"Why did the hipster seal die? He was clubbing too hard (its a horrible joke I know, please punish my lack of comedic genius)"

"""If you text me, I'll call you back just cuz it's more efficient."" - a monster"

"My stages of drunk: 1. You're UGLY 2. You're HOT 3. You're BEAUTIFUL 4. Your HONOR in my defense......"

"There's way too much blood in my alcohol system today"