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Joke of the Day

"My stages of drunk: 1. You're UGLY 2. You're HOT 3. You're BEAUTIFUL 4. Your HONOR in my defense......"

"I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now."

"My friend wanted to give me a free puppy... I did not accept because their mother was a real bitch."

"Cop: First name please... ""Frida"" Cop: Last name... ""Gomam"" Cop: You're Frida Gomam? *peels out* Cop: Nice, nice"

"What do you call someone who only watches Horror Anime? A Ouijaboo."

"Bought my dad a pair of Crocs for his birthday, then pushed him down a flight of stairs for looking stupid in them."

"It's funny how women change. I never really noticed it until I set up my webcam in Topshop."

"What car transmission do Mexicans use? Manuel."

"Light beer is like having sex in a canoe... It's fucking close to water"

"Food wedding anniversaries: Year 1: champagne 2: strawberries 3: chocolate 4: donuts 5: protein shakes 6: microwave meal 7: Rat poison"