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Joke of the Day

"Where do spiders play their FA Cup final ? Webley stadium !"

"INTERVIEWER: What did you like most about your last job? ME: *leans in way too close* Leaving it."

"Why do feminists hate the portrayal of women in the media? Because only men can be seXY."

"""Surely EVERYONE pisses in the shower?"" I protest as I'm dragged out of Ikea"

"I crave feet in the sand, a gentle ocean breeze, the sun on my face, and two entirely new presidential candidates."

"If you beat a man with a mustache in a fist fight, you get to keep his mustache."

"Q: What did the sink say to the water faucet? A: You're a real drip."

"it has been suggested that men think about sex every 8 seconds I can tell you that's a complete phallus"

"Who is the greatest Jewish cook? Hitler"

"If Groot played basketball He'd set the record for most tree pointers in a game."