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Joke of the Day

"I crave feet in the sand, a gentle ocean breeze, the sun on my face, and two entirely new presidential candidates."

"A waffle is just a more considerate pancake. It's like, here, let me hold that syrup for you in these convenient boxes."

"Due to the downturn in the economy my friend has had to close down his salt stall. He's really feeling the pinch."

"When people write, ""your dumb,"" maybe it's not a typo--they just mean stupidity belongs to you. ""Here's your dumb now leave."""

"I need to pluck my eyebrows before they cast Eugene Levy to play me in the movie of my life."

"Cop: Do you know how fast you were going, ma'am? Me: Do these jeans make me look fat? Cop: You're free to go."

"I miss Steve Irwin But the stingray didnt."

"I was dating a midget but I had to break up with her. She never really grew on me."

"What do you get if you cross a student and an alien ? Something from another universe -ity !"

"Shirley Temple, a wonderful example that making sex tapes, twerking, and going to re-hab are NOT necessary to make it in Hollywood. Classy is ALWAYS in style. RIP Little Princess."