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Joke of the Day

"I'm so proud of myself, it took me only six months to finish my latest jigsaw puzzle... ...the box said 2-4 years!"

"My cat just sneezed directly into my eyeballs so I'll probably be dead soon. Goodbye, guys. No, you can't have my stuff."

"Got an e-mail today from a ""bored housewife 34, looking for some action!"", so I sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy."

"A little boy asked his father, ""Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"" Father replied, ""I don't know son, I'm still paying."

"Ugh, I can't believe our coexist bumper stickers aren't working."

"Should I be suspicious if my wife sends me to pick up something she bought on Craig's List just a week after we updated our life insurance?"

"What kind of root is only easy to find on paper? *A square one.*"

"I once saw a black man walking down the street carrying a tv... ...And i thought to myself ""huh, that one looks a lot like mine."" Then I remembered mine was at home, shining my shoes."

"It would suck being run over by a limo because it would take twice as long."

"A bear walks into a bar. He says to the bartender ""I'll have a gin...and tonic."" Bartender says ""OK, but why the pause?"" ""I was born with them."""