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Joke of the Day

"HER: I love sweater weather ME: *holding up an umbrella to protect us from falling sweaters* It's that time of year again already?!"

"Britney Spears and WILL.A.AM go to use the toilet... Test... Mods plz delete omg"

"Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with a car, Throw you off a street so high, Hope you break your neck and die."

"I got a handjob from a blind girl and she told me I had the biggest dick she'd ever felt. She was pulling my leg."

"Couple kissing on the road A Kid On His Way To Home With His Mom Saw A Couple Kissing On The Road, He Suddenly Shouted & Said: Look Mom look, that boy and girl Are Fighting For A Chewing GUM."

"When i used to work for walgreens and the security system would go off the employees would say ""run!"" I guess it was the running joke."

"There's no such thing as ""fair trade"" honey. Those bees are gettin' screwed."

"Don't trust the atoms... They make up everything."

"I'm an adult. I don't cry over spilt milk unless it has coffee in it."

"do you like icecream? then maybe you should marry it"