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Joke of the Day

"Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with a car, Throw you off a street so high, Hope you break your neck and die."

"Before I die I want to see a dog run out of a butchers shop with a string of sausages hanging out of its mouth."

"How many Narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. But he doesn't screw it in, he just holds it and the world revolves around him."

"Psychic Apprentice is ready! Psychic Apprentice: I'm ready to open my own shop. I quit. Psychic: I knew this day would come."

"How many Happy Meals do you need to eat before they start to work? I've just had six and I feel terrible."

"My wife was fixing the caulk around our tub... Me: You should use some caulk softener to make that easier. Wife: Is that like a picture of your mom or something? (actual conversation)"

"Fox News reports that President Obama rapped his oath in Arabic while cutting the head off a goat."

"I've said this to countless medical professionals. Nobody's laughed yet. ""Does my chart say what blood type I have? I can never remember."" ""O+"" ""Oh... [insert troll face] Positive?"""

"A flamingo, a duck, and a lawyer... Q: What can a flamingo do that a duck can't that a lawyer should? A: Stick its bill up its ass."

"a crazy spanish train commits a murder because some guy slept with his train-wife that's a loco motive, ese"