195760

Joke of the Day

"NO, I will not come get candy from your van, Im not craz.. Oh cookies? Hmm. Double stuff?! You don't say! The white one w/ no windows? Sure!"

"What's the best gift you can buy at Christmas? A broken drum, you can't beat it."

"What car does the Loch Ness Monster drive? A Ford F-tree-fiddy"

"It's always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, ""I love you"" and they're like, ""thank you for choosing Domino's."""

"Here it is, folks: ""Do imaginary octopi have ... (wait for it) (wait for it) PRETENDACLES?"""

"How long can one listen to a kid talk before it's officially considered a hostage situation?"

"Why is NASA having a lawsuit filed against them from animal protection? ...because curiosty killed the cat"

"If you can't afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don't know where you are!"

"What's easier to pick up the heavier they get? Women"

"Wow, busy day for Donald Trump. Tomorrow he'll probably ban dogs from homes, end Star Wars, put spiders in every shower and outlaw dreaming."