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Joke of the Day

"Friend: are you ready for our hike? Me: *filling my camelback with french onion soup* just about"

"""I just can't help myself!"" paramedic on his deathbed"

"I'm responsible for 84% of all cat videos currently available on YouTube."

"I accidentally left a butt plug up her ass for 2 weeks... No shit"

"What is worse, ignorance or apathy? I don't know, and i don't care.."

"I'm not worried about chemtrails anymore. My flu shot must be kicking in."

"Q: Did you hear about the new ""morning after"" pill for men? A: It changes their blood type."

"I played Lady Gaga at Texas hold 'em. I lost because I fucking suck at cards."

"I bet in Somalia a kid has been like ""I'm so hungry!"" and another's like ""Third world problem!"" and they both laugh and die and stuff."

"What's the difference between erotic and kinky? It's erotic if you use a feather, but it's kinky if you use the whole chicken!"