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Joke of the Day

"*wife wonders where I am* *hears every musical snowman in the store start singing* *knows where I am*"

"Don't mind me, just another pirate joke passing though What's a pirate's favorite letter? You'd think it was arr, but actually it's the sea."

"The date was going really well until he told me to stop calling it Pasghetti."

"Teacher: We're going to need you to work with your daughter on humility. Me: I was never good with weather stuff but I'll give it a shot."

"Just started listening to Fall Out Boy. They're more than I bargained for."

"The Supreme Court is really just a regular court with tomatoes and sour cream."

"Me: Whatcha doin? 12yo: Catching up on Walking Dead. Me: Did Hershel die yet? 12yo: WHAT?! Me: Guess not."

"I was visiting a desserts factory last week when my girlfriend fell into the gelato machine Now she's sore bae."

"Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, ""How could you do this to me"" and then runs off crying?"

"6 months ago my doctor gave me 6 months to live. But when I couldn't pay my bill today, he decided to give me another 6 months."