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Joke of the Day

"I was visiting a desserts factory last week when my girlfriend fell into the gelato machine Now she's sore bae."

"""Cool, I'll check 'em out!"" -my lie to any person recommending a band to me"

"A penis has a sad life: His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, & his owner beats him."

"I went to the zoo last week and there was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu."

"In a room full of idiots screaming their opinions at the top of their lungs, be the guy in the corner doing finger guns with his reflection."

"Boss: How come I don't see you doing any work? Me: Because you have no imagination!"

"What do you call a turtle that sends pictures to everyone? a Snapping Turtle"

"A black shape emerges from your attic; all you can see are claws. You've made $4000 in 30 minutes working from home, but at what cost?"

"Father: Well Son how are your exam results ? Son: They're under water Father: What do you mean ? Son: Below ""C"" level !"

"If the opposite of ""pro"" is ""con""... Then what's the opposite of ""progress?"""