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Joke of the Day

"When people try to play games with you, simply choose not to play. Unless it's Naked Twister. Never turn down Naked Twister."

"son, you don't need to close your eyes, it's just a movie. the killer from the movie can still get you even if you're not watching it"

"Waiter there is a spider drowning in my soup ! It hardly looks deep enough to drown in sir !"

"*accidentally grabs a fork from the silverware drawer instead of a spoon but I'm too lazy to go back so it takes me 47 min. to eat my soup*"

"I'd never let my kids watch an orchestral performance. Too much sax and violins."

"Religious gardening rising in popularity with today's youth. Parents around the nation are alarmed at their teens obsession with Sects and Violets."

"The sound of thunder is no longer Thor's hammer. It's a pissed-off Lady-Thor stomping round Asgard and noisily filling the dishwasher while she waits for someone to ask her what's wrong..."

"What is a drill team? A group of dentists who work together."

"What's reddit without the R&D? Edit:"

"I got fired from the church nursery for racing the babies."