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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about that psychic who performed self-immolation in public today? It's rare to see a medium well done."

"Might love you quicker if you bring me more Liquor."

"I like my women like I like my food. Existent."

"Being an adult is mostly hurrying up to get to places you didn't want to go in the first place."

"I'm going as ""Twitter Elite"" for Halloween. I'm going to randomly say unfunny things and not talk to anyone who speaks to me."

"I've been playing poker on Facebook. So far I've poked 113 women, but not a one of them have poked me back."

"Don't worry, officer, this isn't my blood. Really, stop searching me! I feel fine!"

"Similarities between Scruff McGruff's police force and Michael Vick? They've both got a dog fighting crime."

"What did the Buffalo Say to his Son as he left for school? Bison"

"Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer? He got a little behind in his deliveries."