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Joke of the Day

"Buy an aquarium. Don't buy fish. Tell guests there are fish. Enjoy time spent not having to talk to guests while they look for fish."

"I would say Reddit's jokes aren't copy pasted but then again we're all *stuck* down here together in this place"

"Q. What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg? A: Between the two of us we can make a lot of money."

"My wife texted me at lunch ""Window's frozen"" ""Pour warm water on it, then lightly tap the edges with a hammer and chisel"" I replied. Ten minutes later, she called back. ""We need a new computer now""."

"It must be almost impossible for chalk-outline guys not to turn victims' hands into turkeys this time of year."

"Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution."

"Last year I took a visual design class... ...and our final exam was to design a fireworks display. I passed with flying colors."

"Shit happens ......every morning"

"-Balderdash! -Codswallop! -Tommyrot! -Poppycock! Victorian Era YouTube comments"

"[Wakes up to a mysterious noise] Lover, is that you? *Refrigerator hums loudly*"