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Joke of the Day

"My neighbour really pissed me off last night... He kept playing the same Lionel Richie song over and over. I wouldn't mind normally but it was all night long."

"How many times does it take for a woman on period to change a lightbulb? IT WILL TAKE THE TIME IT FUCKING NEEDS !!!"

"ME What's a penguins favourite relative? Aunt Arctica! PENGUIN . . ME [makes flies over head motion] PENGUIN I don't know what that means"

"Whoever figured out that you can make cake in a mug in under a minute was probably really going through some shit."

"What do Roman Polanski and Bumblebee Tuna have in common? They both come in little cans."

"What's the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels? Jack Daniels still killing Indians."

"What's George Washington's favorite song. Doesn't matter, just as long as it's royalty-free."

"When the priest says ""Body of Christ"" I say ""Thanks, I've been working out."" Then I grab the cracker and run back to my seat."

"What does my brothers wife and a Chevrolet have in common? They're both extremely high maintenance"

"Whats the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bathtub? One has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole."