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Joke of the Day

"Holiday tip: remember, you only have a few days left to drop out of people's lives to avoid buying gifts. You're welcome."

"Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping and the other third making viral videos."

"The cleaning lady refused to mop or sweep ""Floors are beneath me"" she explained."

"A Photon checks in at an airline front counter. Agent says... Sir, do you have any checked baggage?' Photon replies, 'No, I'm travelling light.'"

"What is the difference between a drunk driver and a high driver? The drunk driver will blow through a stop sign without even knowing it was there.. The high driver will wait until it turns green"

"I've always been corny... When I was born, there were three storks. One to deliver me and two to fend off the crows."

"I'm not superstitious, I'm just kindastitious!!!"

"People say I'm a people person It's like a dog person, but with a lot more chains in my basement."

"I'm sexually attracted to one of my students I knew that becoming a primary school teacher was a bad career choice"

"Oh, you're about to earn your 3rd master's degree? I'm still working on spelling ""bananas"" without singing ""Hollaback Girl"" in my head."