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Joke of the Day

"I think parents are incredibly selfish and rude for having additional children without first consulting their existing child. "

"If you don't use a bottle opener to open your beer, you drink shitty beer."

"I always make sure to buy high quality toilet paper... If you get the cheap stuff, you'll pay for it in the end."

"This kitty has really overstayed its welcome. All hello and no goodbye."

"I'm so thankful my childhood was filled with imagination and bruises from playing outside, instead of apps and how many likes you get on a picture."

"You know what I hate about Reddit? [Removed]"

"It's like my daddy always says...if you can't beat 'em, arrange to have 'em beaten."

"You gotta admit that humans are the ultimate #1 lifeform because we're essentially half mermaid but we also have legs for kicking and stuff."

"At first I was worried about my eyesight, but my doctor said I was fine. As a matter of fact, he said that in 5 years I should have 20-20 vision!"

"I don't think this whole White House scandal is good for parents. I caught my six year old son David in a lie and he said we could discuss it tonight in a ""National Town Meeting."""