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Joke of the Day

"You gotta admit that humans are the ultimate #1 lifeform because we're essentially half mermaid but we also have legs for kicking and stuff."

"""Why are you always tired, Dad?"" my 3-year-old asked as she woke me from a nap by poking me in the eye."

"Why did the farmer use a steam roller? He wanted to grow mashed potatoes."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Blanche ! Blanche who ? Blanche not !"

"What do you call a man, with no arms or legs, in the middle of the ocean? fucked"

"Why did the boy take a ladder to school? He wanted to go to high school."

"Did you hear they recently opened a bar on the moon? The cocktails are great, but it has no atmosphere."

"Snoop Dogg seems to be investing in a company that will deliver weed to your house in 10 minutes... Sadly, the name Instagram is taken."

"Jack the Ripper and Winnie the Pooh have the same middle name. Coincidence? I think not..."

"[Jesus at Last Supper] *breaks bread* This is my body *pours wine* This is my blood *opens jar of mayo* Judas: I'm gonna stop u right there"