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Joke of the Day

"I'm really not sure how many times I'll search for my phone with the flashlight on my phone before I realize I'm an idiot...."

"What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef"

"the scariest thing about teenage girls is all they have to do is laugh near you and they instantly make you feel like total shit"

"1990- I have three-way calling, we can all talk for hours 2015- don't even leave me a voicemail unless you are dying or I won money"

"How did the medical community come up with the term ""PMS""? Mad Cow Disease"" was already taken."

"I hate when people ask me what I'll be doing in five years. Come on, guys. I don't have 2020 vision."

"What is E.T. short for? It has little legs."

"How many men does it take to open a beer? None, the beer should be open by the time she has brought it to you."

"A car gets better traction in the snow if you throw a couple of coworkers in the trunk."

"I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn't find a close enough parking spot so I left."