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Joke of the Day

"How many men does it take to open a beer? None, the beer should be open by the time she has brought it to you."

"WIFE: COME AND GET RID OF THIS SPIDER ME to spider: I told you, you'll get your money. Leave my family out of this SPIDER: you've got 2days"

"Marriage counsellor: What's the problem? Wife: He is so literal. It drives me mad. MC: And how do you feel, Stephen? Me: With my hands."

"A man in Phoenix accidentally shot himself in the leg while in line at Walmart on Saturday. Or, as they call that in Arizona, ""taking a selfie."""

"My penis is so long When i put it on my keyboard, it covers all the way from A to Z"

"I think airlines should let you exit the plane on the inflatable slide on your birthday."

"I'm jealous of turtles because if they don't want to talk to someone, they're like ""Nah, dude, busy in my shell right now. Come back later."""

"Man buys a cat, finds out cat is fake. It's the cats name... Ba dum dun... Tsi! Thanks folks, I'll be here all night..."

"I don't mind meeting her parents. It's her husband I have always been avoiding."

"Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? It took her a month to realize she could play it at night..."