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Joke of the Day

"My Grandpa: killed 17 Nazis and singlehandedly saved his entire battalion in WWII Me: Sits around all day making up stories about my Grandpa"

"ME: hi handsome, is this seat taken? BUS DRIVER: yes, but you could literally sit anywhere else"

"What did the racist ask Santa for? A white Christmas."

"What did the corn say when it was complemented? Aww, shucks!"

"What do you call an overweight Scott Walker? Scott Waddler"

"TIL a post won't be removed if it is in the wrong subreddit."

"If you could choose between world peace and 1 million dollars... What would you buy?"

"I was at the Natural History Museum and I saw the Neanderthal exhibit. Those guys were buff studs. no homo"

"First, there was Planking, then Owling and Milking, now there's Harlem Shaking. If the next trend could be Thinking, that would be great."

"I so want to be in a relationship. I want to account for everything I do. Answer to someone when I come home late. And get dragged over the coals for not calling a hundred times a day."