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Joke of the Day

"Why is it called cat nip and not meowjuana?"

"They really need to add a ""download this song illegally"" button on Pandora."

"My office got a shredder, so now I have to buy a turtle costume to fight it on Monday. Work is hard."

"I was going to use the new machine in the gym But I found out it only sold protein bars"

"Captain Ahab's crew were highly efficient sailors In fact, they were running like a whale oiled machine."

"Do you speak sign language? No, we sign it."

"[accidentally makes eye contact with someone] Oh my God, I am so sorry. Are you OK?"

"I heard Hotel California for the 6th time on the radio during my cross country road trip. You can change the station any time you like, but the song never leaves"

"Brother: Did you put the cat out ? Sister: Why is it on fire ?"

"[tries to eject CD 5 mins into space mission] Houston we have a problem I KNOW U CHEATED W/MY WIFE TOM ENJOY 12 YRS OF SMASH MOUTH U PRICK"