209071

Joke of the Day

"[tries to eject CD 5 mins into space mission] Houston we have a problem I KNOW U CHEATED W/MY WIFE TOM ENJOY 12 YRS OF SMASH MOUTH U PRICK"

"She's so fat, she's got more chins than a Chinese phone book."

"4 stages of life 1. You believe in Santa 2. You don t believe in Santa 3. You are Santa 4. You look like Santa"

"I told my mom I was going to run away to Oklahoma. All she said was, ""OK"""

"My blonde gf dropped a mug on her feet, spilling her salt over her desk at work... ...Successfully sued claiming to have been mugged and assaulted"

"The Fat Girl's Guide To The Zombie Apocalypse: If you see me running & there's no ice cream truck in front of me..you should run too."

"Why do boys walk fast and girls speak more? Because boys have one extra leg and girls have one extra mouth."

"TIFU by buying an MP5K instead of a Mini-Uzi from the Arms Store... Whoops, wrong sub."

"Was George Michael an organ donor? Because he's gonna be pissed when he hears what happend to his heart."

"What's common between Marriage & a Port-a-potty? There are those who are waiting to get in it and then you have those wanting too get out of it."