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Joke of the Day

"GOD: Go forth, my tiny friends! ANTS: Hooray! ANGEL: Ok next creation ... The anteater. ANTS: The what now?"

"Why do lesbians shop at sports authority? Because they don't like dicks."

"Hey, black licorice, stop calling yourself ""candy"". You are nothing but a chewy fart and we both know it."

"Frederick W. Smith created a company because he needed money to pay maintenance to his ex wife. He called it Fed*Ex*."

"Each cigarette you smoke takes six minutes off your life. A friend of mine was such a heavy smoker he actually went back in time."

"How can I give myself a 12 inch penis? Fold it in half. ( ) "

"An accident... It's an accident waiting to happen when your country has an obesity epidemic... And a skinny jeans fad at the same time."

"[pet therapy] THERAPIST: ok slow ME: *pets 2 dogs* T: just 1 M: *pets 3 dogs* T: Nurse, restrain him, he's M: *pets 4 dogs* T: roverdosing"

"What starts with an F and ends in ""uck""? Fuck"

"FISHING TRIP Joseph *casting his line*: Son, your mother thinks it's time I tell you- You're agodpted. Jesus *runs across the lake crying*"