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Joke of the Day

"My baby's sick. We used rectal thermometer on him & he didn't even mind. Looks like we might have a little choreographer on our hands."

"How'd the hipster burn his tongue? He drank coffee before it was cool."

"What's different between Asians and Caucasians? We're opposites in terms of erections and math class - one's hard for each of us, while the other isn't."

"I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend until the acid wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a Walmart parking lot."

"How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie"

"Son: ""Mom, Dad, I'm gay."" Mom: *Stares at Dad* Dad: *Clenches fist* Mom: ""Don't!"" Dad: *Sweats Profusely* Mom: ""..."" Dad: ""HI GAY, I'M DAD"" Edit: Yay top of r/jokes, #lifegoals Also formatting"

"Some people have difficulty sleeping But I can do it with my eyes closed!"

"A man walks into a library and says... ...""I hope you don't have a book on reverse psychology."""

"What does an expensive circumcision have in common with a cheap circumcision? They're both a rip-off."

"I've installed some complaining-powered lightbulbs in my bedroom They occasionally turn off, but never for more than 5 seconds"