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Joke of the Day

"How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie"

"COWORKER: how old is our boss? ME: cut him in half & count the rings CW: doesn't that only work on trees? ME: *over chainsaw noises* HE'S 38"

"Wife: He makes puns all the time Therapist: You should punish him Husband: But every punishment to be different"

"Love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them getting there safely."

"What do you call a docks nanny? An Au'Peir"

"I've bought drinks for guys and not as an equality thing but because when I'm drunk I forget that money is real."

"Why is it awkward to have sex with Jesus? He keeps saying ""Oooh Dad Ooooh Dad OOOH DAAAAD"""

"When a couple I'm friends with splits up, I always choose sides with the one who won't ask to sleep on my couch."

"What do you call a 7' 2"" fortune teller in his underpants? A large medium in smalls."

"I just finished reading the fifth book in this great series. It's called the ""Learning to Count"" trilogy."