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Joke of the Day

"How do you tell Michael Jackson's age? You put a color scale next to his face."

"[interview for doctor's office receptionist] ""Can you schedule appointments and be friendly"" Yes. ""Sorry we're looking for the opposite"""

"Yo mama so fat The hulk couldn't even lift her up"

"[texting] you mean the wolf to me -wolf? ha! autocorrect fail! -lol what i meant to say was...you're a mean wolf to me"

"I don't know what my wife is most upset about today. The fact that she caught me having sex with her mother this morning or the fact that her mother died during her sleep last night."

"How do you know if air fresheners have gotten too smart? If they have become scent-ient."

"Why did the blond snort NutraSweet? She thought it was diet coke."

"The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I'm done picking my nose, I'm gonna smile and wave."

"I'm working in a bar and a woman walks in and asks for a double entendre. So I gave her one"

"They're a pack of lions He's some guy who hates lions Together, they're: PRIDE AND PREJUDICE This fall on CBS"