196919

Joke of the Day

"I don't know what my wife is most upset about today. The fact that she caught me having sex with her mother this morning or the fact that her mother died during her sleep last night."

"If burglars broke into my apt, they'd look around, shake their heads and leave me some cash with a note that says 'get yourself some shit!'"

"I asked my wife if we could do 68 tonight. She'd blow me, and I'd owe her one."

"Have you heard about the new Exorcist movie? The mother calls the Devil to pull the priest out of her son."

"I'd be worried about my privacy settings on Facebook too if I had as many pictures of my ugly baby as you do."

"A friend and I were playing chess, and we wanted to make things interesting. So we stopped playing chess."

"LIFE HACK: give ur next child a normal name ME: are u still mad that ur mother and i named u Life Hack"

"what's the worst thing about a pi eating contest? it never ends"

"I haven't slept for 3 days... Because that would be way too long."

"""Oh, not much, just grooming my magnificent, powerful wings, you?"" -Pegasus every time a normal horse calls him"