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Joke of the Day

"I graduated with a 2:2 in Sports Journalism It would have been a 2:1 but they equalised at the last minute."

"Don't judge if you don't know me. Unless you're making my pizza & you say ""This guy looks like he wants extra cheese"" then please do."

"GENIE: you have three wishes ME: make math go away GENIE: ha ok that one's on the house ME: oh so I still get three wishes? GENIE: huh?"

"When I was younger I wanted to rule the world. Now I just want to spell words close enough that autocorrect can figure out what I'm saying"

"One of these days, I'm going to go fishing for complements. I hope I catch some peanut butter and jelly."

"What's green and smells like bacon? Kermit the frog's finger"

"My computer just said hello to me. I think it's A Dell."

"I bet Elmo wonders about how they might stop funding PBS. And sometimes why."

"No thanks, Winter Olympics. If I wanted to see a bunch of white people playing in the snow, I'd hop on over to Facebook."

"What do a Tupperware designer and a horny walrus have in common? They're both looking for a tight seal."